I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
