Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
