I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
