I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
