She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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