Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
