Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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