Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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