Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
A+ Viking dick
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