you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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