I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
