He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
