so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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