Apparently you make a good broom.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
