i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize