I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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