Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
