she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
