If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
