I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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