he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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