she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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