I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
