just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize