He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize