He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
