It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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