im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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