guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize