Swine flu. Run for my life!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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