I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
