Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
