shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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