can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
