I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
