OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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