I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
