I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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