Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i think i have two assholes
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
