All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
