so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
