Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
