I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i came on her dog
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
