There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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