k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize