I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
