You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
