You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
