Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
