You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
