just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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