I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
