his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
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You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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