you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
