Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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