just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
