I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize