Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
