I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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