i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
