This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I will die if light touches me.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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