He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
