awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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