Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
