Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
