i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
