Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
whose ass print is on the piano?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
