He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
whose parrot is this?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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