dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
