"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
